Politics, But Make It…Gayer? The JD Vance vs. Gavin Newsom Debate

There’s a new trend among the worst people on the internet, and yes, I know this only matters to the terminally online, but here we are…

A handful of alleged “Fuentes bros” are suddenly claiming they will never vote for JD Vance and would instead support… Gavin Newsom. And their reasoning is truly, truly homosexual. 

1. 1. JD is apparently “not hot enough.”
2. 2. Gavin Newsom has a “whiter” fam.

I believe these guys about as far as I can throw them — which is not far at all, because I’m six months pregnant and never had a great arm to begin with — but the argument itself is so absurd it deserves to be admired.

If a woman ever said she was voting for or against a man based on his looks, she would be laughed out of the room. And honestly? She would deserve that cause ew.

But now we’re watching grown men do exactly that? Ew. (And also, gaaaaaay.)

What’s actually happening here is pretty obvious. This is astroturf. It’s meant to confuse Fuentes-world nerds and, ideally, bait Gavin Newsom into flirting with white-supremacist talking points. Which is honestly LOL on all fronts and I’m watching with my popcorn.

It’s all stupid, of course, but can I also just point out the obvious? They’re all WRONG with their ideas of who is the ultimate hot bro. JD is a cutie. I would not vote for JD *BECAUSE* he’s cute, but if I were allowed to live out my dream of being a completely unhinged sexist and ranking male attractiveness in some kind of lineup (someone please pitch this as a reality show), I’d pick JD over Gavin about a hundred times out of a hundred.

And no, before anyone asks, I’m not saying this because my husband looks a little like JD Vance (because he also has a beard and is cute).